I think I truly found myself the day I put on my niqab for the first time.
A year and a half before making that decision, I began researching questioning whether niqab was obligatory, whether the wives of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and the wives of the Sahabah dressed this way. But deep down, I wasn’t ready. I made every excuse, convincing myself it wasn’t for me. I even managed to find only those opinions and videos where scholars said it wasn’t obligatory, as long as I was wearing proper hijab and covering my awrah.
But Allah’s timing is perfect.
A year later, I felt an undeniable pull deep within me to revisit my research. This time, I couldn’t find a single video or opinion that claimed niqab wasn’t obligatory. SubhanAllah, that was my sign. Allah had placed the desire and clarity in my heart. When you sincerely ask Allah for guidance, truly seeking to change for His sake, He will open doors for you in ways you never imagined.
The journey wasn’t easy. Visiting family, eating out, and even going to my maternal home came with challenges. Often, people assume that wearing the niqab or even the hijab must have been something our husbands imposed on us. But in my case, it couldn’t have been further from the truth. My husband never told me to wear hijab, abaya, or niqab. When I told him about my decision, his response was simply, “Are you sure? It’s going to be difficult. But I support you.”
And he was right it is difficult. Breastfeeding outdoors in a niqab, walking under the blazing sun, facing awkward stares and comments, it’s no joke.
But whenever it gets tough, I remind myself why I started. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m trying. This journey is mine, and I’ve become unapologetic about my choices when it comes to my deen.
My modesty is my pride. My hijab is my crown. And my niqab is my independence.
If I could give one piece of advice to the youth or anyone considering hijab full-time, it would be this: the trends, the friends, and the fleeting fun of this dunya will eventually fade. When you grow up and step into roles like motherhood, you’ll wish you hadn’t chased after those things. Don’t get me wrong every mistake I’ve made has taught me valuable lessons and shaped me into the woman I am today. But I make istighfar daily for my past and pray Allah never lets me return to it.
Those mistakes have only deepened my love for Allah, for this deen, and for the beauty of modesty. Because Allah found me when I was lost and guided me. Alhamdulillah, I am one of the fortunate ones. I make dua every day for my sisters, for those who are trying, those who feel lost, and those who are searching for their way back. May Allah open our hearts and eyes to see the beauty of this deen and the unmatched honor of covering for His sake. One saying has always stayed with me, and I’ll leave it with you:
Don’t let your first day be your last day. Don’t let your first day of wearing hijab be the last day you wear it.
Created by faysjourney