I Am Never Really Alone

It sounds heavy when I say it out loud. I don’t have friends. I don’t leave my house to meet someone for coffee. I don’t have a name I scroll to when I need to vent. I haven’t had a close friend since I got married. There are days when that truth feels loud.

When the world seems full of gatherings I am not part of. ​

But then…

morning comes. And I go sit with my first companion

Surah Yaseen.

She greets me gently. She reminds me that

hearts soften in the remembrance of Allah.

​

Then I visit

Surah Al-Waqi'ah

the surah that steadies my worries about provision,

that reminds me that Rizq was written before I was even born. ​

During the day, I return to

Surah Ar-Rahman

and every time she asks me,

“Which of the favors of your Lord will you deny?”

I lower my head in quiet gratitude. ​

I sit with

Surah Maryam,

and I feel understood as a woman… as a mother…

as someone who carries silent fears and silent duas.

​And when my heart feels tight,

I whisper through

Surah Ad-Duha

and I remember that my Lord has not abandoned me. ​

And then there is the one I wait for all week.

When Friday comes, I know I am meeting my very special friend

Surah Al-Kahf.

We only get to meet once a week, but she is still so dear to me.

She arrives with a lantern in her hand,

filling the space between this Friday and the next with light.

She tells me stories of faith and patience,

reminding me that even in a cave,

I am never hidden from His Mercy.

​When my soul feels stained by my own shortcomings,

I sit with

Istighfar.

Softly repeating Astaghfirullah until the heaviness begins to lift…

until the dust settles on my restless heart.

​I send Durood upon my beloved Prophet ﷺ,

filling my space with Allahumma salli ‘ala Muhammad.

And somehow, I feel connected

to mercy, to light, to a love that has reached me centuries later.

​At night, before sleep wraps around me,

I return to my protector

Surah Al-Mulk.

She tucks me in with reminders of accountability and mercy. ​

And before I close my eyes completely,

I wrap myself in Ayat al-Kursi

my guardian at the door, my shield in the unseen. ​

In the small spaces between my day,

I repeat my closest companions:

Surah Al-Ikhlas,

Surah Al-Falaq,

&

Surah Al-Kafirun.

Friends who protect me. Friends who purify me.

Friends who remind me who I am and whose I am.

​So maybe I don’t have friends in the way the world defines friendship.

But

Allah, in His gentleness, gave me companions that never cancel plans.

Never misunderstand me.

Never drift away.

They wait for me every single day.

​And for that… I make shukr. ​

Ya Allah, shukr for guiding me to Your Words.

Shukr for protecting me when I do not see the protection.

Shukr for companionship that strengthens my akhirah.

​And if it is good for me… Grant me true, sincere friends, the kind who remind me of You, the kind I can one day introduce to these companions of mine. ​

Until then,

I am never really alone.